Saturday 26 November 2016

Why Critique Is The Opposite of Censorship

Dearest nerdlets, I have a few things that I want to say:



Firstly, guess what? Not everyone is going to have the same opinions as you.

That's why there are countless bloggers out there instead of just one person. We all think different sh**. That means that sometimes other people are going to have completely different opinions to you.












Sometimes, hell, OFTEN, the difference in opinion is going to get awkward.

You loved a book. That's great. Someone else didn't. They have a different take on the representation, or the prose, or the characterisation, or whatever. Guess what? That's great too.

Feelings tend to get most heated when discussing representation of marginalised groups. And there are reasons for that - historic reasons that come from a lot of hurt, prejudice, and negative representation.





But if someone hates a book you loved, people often react like it's a personal criticism. It's not.

Critique - and that's what bloggers and reviewers are supposed to do, isn't it? we're not marketing machines, we're critics - is not meant to attack anyone.

Critique is a way of discussing what is in this book.

If we all claimed that every book was perfect, firstly, it'd be boring, and secondly, it'd be lying.






NO BOOK IS PERFECT.

There is no book on this planet that is universally loved, with no flaws. Every book has good stuff, and bad stuff. Stuff you'd change, and stuff you wouldn't.

Now, someone else? They may keep all the stuff you'd change, and change all the stuff you'd keep.





The excuse that people use to bypass critique is censorship.

Critique is not censorship. Critique means someone has a different opinion to you - that someone disagrees with you, and is willing to express that.

Critique means that people are thinking about what they're reading. That people are allowing others to openly disagree. That people are not silencing the voices of dissent.





It's no coincidence, I'm afraid, that the voices that tend to be silenced are those belonging to people of colour (PoC,) LGBTQ+ people, and other marginalised groups.

Calling critique censorship is just another way to silence those voices. And that's not ok.










If someone complains about the way their identity - race, sexuality, religion, etc., is being portrayed, then don't accuse them of being unfair, or of censoring you.

Unless they have a history of personal vendettas with a particular author (and sometimes even then,) then they will have a reason for what they're saying. Listen to it. You may learn something.

And even if you don't, ultimately, agree? Their concerns and opinions are still valid.





Too often, you see people using the argument of censorship for their own purposes.

Trolls do this a lot - and, again, it seems to be PoC who get the worst of this - it's the attitude of 'I can say this horrible thing because free speech, but you can't disagree with me because censorship.'

The troll flexes their troll-y muscles by being the biggest a*shole.

Shouting 'Shut up, censorship!' when someone disagrees with you is censorship. Don't. Just don't.





People have a right to voice legitimate concerns.

Do I always agree? No. Of course not, I'm a stubborn little so-and-so.





But those opinions are totally valid.

Sometimes - and this counts especially for us white people, because we are, notoriously, really bad at this - you have to step back and listen to others.





The only way we understand is by listening.

And yes, I've changed my views by listening to people before now.

Look, we're human. We're going to disagree. There are even, unfortunately, going to be times when we can't get past* those disagreements. BUT WE'RE NEVER GOING TO AGREE WITH EVERYTHING EVERYONE ELSE SAYS.

*is it past or passed? I can never figure that out.




People from marginalised groups are not a hive-mind. And all of their opinions are valid.


But you have to listen - yes, even when there's not one opinion, but several.

It's easy to stand up for diversity and marginalised groups when the members of that group are agreeing with you. When they don't agree with you? You still have to listen.

Surely we can agree to give air-time to opinions that differ from our own? (And no, I don't mean the opinions of Nazi a*sholes.) I mean opinions about representation - from people affected by that rep.

No, it's not always going to be comfortable. But that's ok. It doesn't have to be comfortable. It just has to happen.








Because people have a right to raise their voices in disagreement. Not allowing them to do so? That's censorship.











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Friday 25 November 2016

Friday Fics Fix - Walking Down the Line

This week's fic is a crossover. Because fic writers aren't too bothered about different companies owning the film rights ;)

It's a crossover between the MCU and the more modern X-men films (of the First Class & Days of Future Past batch.)

(Fangirling note - MCU = Marvel Cinematic Universe; the Avengers & all that jazz.)








And yes, I will attempt to bring you non-Marvel-related fanfiction soon.

(But no promises - because I'm clearly Marvel trash.)





I love the way this fic blends Stucky in with attempts by Charles Xavier to help Bucky Barnes back into the world after what was done by him by Hydra.

(Fangirling notes:






Stucky = a relationship between Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers (Captain America)

Charles Xavier = Prof X from the X-men

Bucky Barnes = Cap's childhood 'friend' (they're in love, but Marvel won't make it official,)

Hydra = evil Nazi organisation which turned Bucky into an evil weapon. Poor Bucky Bear.)





There's a lot of references to the holocaust here - but I actually think that it's done quite well.




This week's fic is:

Battle Fatigue by Sonora



Enjoy the fanfiction-y-ness - more next week!










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Thursday 24 November 2016

Comics Wrap-Up - Days Like This








Graphic Novels


This week, I read Julio's Day by Gilbert Hernandez (UK - US,) which I've wanted to read since I did my Latinx graphic novels post a little while back.





It was... well, it was freaking weird, in all honesty, but I still really enjoyed it.

There was more sex and gore in there than I was expecting though! Not that there was a lot - there wasn't - but still more than I expected. And some m/m-ness, which was unexpected but awesome.







Other Stuff



Not much else to share with you this week, but a few things:

I read this review of the superhero series Legends of Tomorrow by Jessica @ Rabid Reads.

Regular readers of DORA will remember that I adore Legends - not least because of the beautiful and awesome-sauce Sara Lance :)

(And she's canon queer!)







But Legends has a lot going for it - not just Sara. This is a show that really shouldn't work, and really does!

-0-



In other queer-girl-superhero-news, the amazing Marvel Latinx heroine, America Chavez, is getting her own comics title!


An #OwnVoices Latinx queer superhero! Sometimes guys, there is news which just makes your heart happy :)







I'll see you next week for more comics guys! Go be awesome!




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Wednesday 23 November 2016

Review Time! - The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller











Title: The Song of Achilles


Author: Madeline Miller

Genre: LGBTQ+ (M/M; M/F,) Mythology, Historical Fiction*, Fantasy*, Magic Realism* (*ish)

Amazon: UK - USA





A few starting notes:
If any queer men have reviewed this then let me know! I'd love to link to your review.

This was actually a recommendation from the lovely Charlotte @ Bookmarks and Blogging - who was spot-on with her rec! :)






Premise:

This is a retelling of the story of the Iliad (the Trojan War and all that jazz) from the point-of-view (POV) of Patroclus, the beloved companion of hero Achilles.

What follows is a Greek tragedy of love and war.






Best bits:

Uerkjnhrylojmnprkmtnoltknklnmnbreope!!!!!!!! This bookkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guys, I love Patroclus - HE WAS A PURE PRECIOUS LITTLE GEMSTONE, AND THEY DIDN'T DESERVE HIM DAMMIT!

The strong voice of Patroclus comes through the POV - and I think this was a smart plan. Achilles is a lot more likeable through Patroclus' eyes than I think he would be in 3rd person.









Honestly, Achilles can be a bit of a douche - and it's only through Patroclus' love and light that we see him as more than just the boring role of 'the perfect hero.'

Patroclus is the first and foremost strong point of this book - he is just so exceptionally... lovely and wonderful, that I would love to actually meet him.

And even though I had some knowledge of the story of the Iliad, and knew how this was going to end, IT STILL RIPPED MY HEART OUT AND HANDED IT TO ME (in a good way.)

And the writing is completely awesome-sauce and good quality :)





Not so great bits:

*rolls up sleeves* - Look, for a book that won a women's fiction prize, I expected less of a sh**y role for the women.

We have few female characters - in a way, that's not too bad, because we're at war with a Greek army, so I wouldn't expect that many women around.

But every woman in this book gets either married off to the highest bidder and/or against her will, raped, murdered, or some combination of all three.

There's a lot of rape here - and it's used as a throwaway plot device, just something that happens. Again, probably not unrealistic - but the emotion, the trauma, and the victim seriously needed more attention.











I've seen - out and about there in Internet-land - criticism of Patroclus' representation.

Some people seem to think that he was overly feminised or forced too much into the 'wife' role in the relationship, but without knowing the backgrounds of the reviewers, I honestly can't tell you whether this is a legitimate concern from queer reviewers, or masculine insecurity from heterosexual reviewers.

What I can tell you is that I didn't find him overly feminised at any point.

There's some sexy-times, much violence, and swearing, as well as the aforementioned references to rape.





Verdict:

OK, there were some issues. But I loved this book.

AND I ADORE PATROCLUS - HE WILL BREAK YOUR HEART DAMMIT!!!!! THEY DID NOT DESERVE HIS PURE GOODNESS!!!!!!!!




Update 19th Feb 2017: I've become aware that this book has issues regarding the Bury Your Gays trope. If anyone has a post or review which discusses this, I would be more than happy to link to it.




















Tuesday 22 November 2016

A Different State of Being - Diary of A Sexually Fluid Girl

(This is going to have so many terrible metaphors. I apologise in advance.)

OK, when I did my Twitter poll and asked you guys, basically, what the hell I can do to explain being sexually fluid to non-fluid people, you said day-to-day experience and FAQs were what you wanted.










FAQs I've done now. So I guess it's time to give day-to-day experience a shot ;)

Again a reminder that this is my experiences and opinions not anyone else's.

It's entirely possible that other sexually fluid people will think completely different things - and even that I'll think different things in the future. And remember, there's more than one type of sexual fluidity.





Also, I don't mind if you don't understand, as long as you're genuinely trying.

I'm no fool guys, I've guessed, after 20+ years on this planet, that most people don't understand the way that I feel.

If it's any consolation, sometimes I honestly don't know how you guys can have the same sexuality all the time - I mean, really, how do you cope? How does that work exactly? ;)





So I've been making a sort of diary over the last week, to try to demonstrate what being sexually fluid is like - every day. Honestly, I'm pretty normal - I promise! ;)







13th November



OK, do you want me to explain where my sexuality lies right now?

I do sometimes put a pin in it, so to speak, just so that I understand myself and where I am right now a little better - mental health problems teach you to sit down and think about what it is that you're feeling.

Self care and understanding you. V. important.

But I don't hold myself to it - it's more about understanding what I feel when I feel it, rather than forcing myself to conform to any particular label.






So how do I pinpoint where my sexuality is right now?

Well I take a bunch of celebs that I've been attracted to, and see if I'm attracted to them now. It's ridiculous, but if it helps to prove a point to you guys...

(For the purposes of... science... (yeah, you'll buy that, right?) I'll do a Google image search for the following people, but I usually just go through things mentally.)







Right now, am I physically attracted to Tom Hiddleston in shirtless pics?

Nope. Nothing.

Like, there's an appreciation that he's pretty, but I have the same feelings for a vase of flowers - and I'm certainly not sexually attracted to a bunch of roses. Because that would be mighty weird. #TrueStory.











Johnny Depp, also shirtless?

Nope. That's a resounding 'meh.' Like, I know there are times when I look at these pictures and have to stop myself drooling but... nothing.


Holliday Grainger in her Lucrezia Borgia costume?

...definitely attracted to her. Definitely. She's... wow; and she rocks renaissance jewellery.


Scarlett Johansson wearing pretty much anything?

Yes. I'm entirely sure there needs to be a deal with the devil involved for someone to be that hot! *fans self*





So, right this moment, my curious little nerdlets, from a purely physical perspective, I'm attracted only to women, so, if you want to put a specific label on things - I'm a lesbian.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to explain what it's like when my sexuality changes.






14th November



Should we do a quick run-through? Why not, maybe it'll show you more than I can explain to you:

Tom Hiddleston (shirtless)? Oh... oh that's very nice ;) yep, definitely attracted to him.










Johnny Depp? Yum!

Holliday Grainger? Yes, still very nice ;)

Scarlett Johansson? My God, she's so hot! Seriously, how does that happen?! If her and Hiddles had a kid, the world would officially end with the hotness!




So today I'm bisexual (or possibly pan) by the looks of things.

I say 'by the looks of things,' because, honestly, I don't actually notice when things change.

I could think I'm having a het day, for example, and then I see a woman who is particularly lovely and prove myself wrong. (And yes, I think phrases like 'het day.' But I think that has more to do with me being a dork than anything else.)





It's not like there are set time-frames for when I will find certain people attractive - it is entirely open, and everything is possible until something else happens.

So it's not a case of me going 'Oh! It's 9 o'clock! Time to be a lesbian!' - it really doesn't work like that.

It's more of a Schrodinger's cat scenario - I am everything and nothing until called upon to testify. (I told you there would be lousy metaphors! Don't say I didn't warn you!)




And personality reigns over all.

It might sound like I'm trying to put being sexually fluid on a moralistic pedestal, but honestly (and guys, I hope you understand just how honest and frank I'm trying to be here,) personality matters more to me than gender.




If I'm attracted to you as a person - with an emotional connection and everything - then wherever I am on the spectrum at that moment goes entirely out the window the minute I see you.

Because it doesn't matter what's in your underwear (to put it bluntly) if I'm attracted to you on an emotional and intellectual level, then the physical stuff just... follows...









And oh man this is hard to explain! Argh!




Basically, my sexuality can be changed by other factors - e.g. being in love with you or having a romantic connection with you  - but that doesn't mean it can be forcibly changed. It can't.

I can't decide who I'm going to find attractive. If I surround myself with naked pictures of dudes, I may very well still have an entirely lesbian day, week, whatever. It's not something controllable.




But my emotions are very closely linked to what my sexuality is at any given time... is that understandable? I don't know. Maybe I just screwed up explaining that, but I'm trying my best here.

OK, I'll be back tomorrow for more opportunities to fail to make myself understood.






15th November


Let's do another run-through, shall we? I honestly don't normally do this every day, but I'm trying to show what it's like - what I'm like.

Tom Hiddleston (shirtless)? Yeah, I'm finding him fairly attractive today.

Johnny Depp? Yep, quite attracted.

Holliday Grainger? *fans self* ...ahem... wow

Scarlett Johansson? *more fanning* Phew! I really... 😍 wow.



Even though I've been out to the people that matter for a few months now, I still self-censor myself (unintentionally) when it comes to day-to-day conversation. Old habits die hard I guess.

The last few weeks I've been more towards the bi/lesbian state of things - not all the time, but a lot. I haven't once mentioned, out loud, when I find a woman attractive. I'm working on that.

I guess I just find it hard to be casual about something when I've been determinedly not mentioning it almost my entire life.






16th November


Tom Hiddleston? phew... *fans self* *blushes* Definitely attracted to him right now!

Johnny Depp? Yum, yum, yum!

Holliday Grainger? Nope. I mean, she's beautiful. But so is jewellery. I'm not finding her physically attractive right now.

Scarlett Johansson? Again, that's a 'meh.' She's very beautiful. But I'm not attracted to her at the moment.








Huh, looks like a het day. (Seriously, I'm such a dork.)



Is this a helpful demonstration?

I figured this would be the best way to show you guys - on a simple basis, because I know I'm just using cisgender celebs here - the purely physical, no-emotions, side of things.

Like I mentioned before, in my experience, fluidity is vastly affected by emotion.





If I'm watching an interview, and I'm attracted to the actor and the actor's personality - not just what they look like - then there's a good chance I will find them physically attractive as well.

Like if I watched an interview with Scarlett Johansson right now, and she was really showing her personal side and was being funny, smart, witty, and a nice person, then I could very well find her physically attractive.

But just from a purely physical still-photograph, no personality or sense of who she is as a person, I'm not attracted to her right now.




Again, I totally understand if you're not getting this - it's not easy to explain to people who don't feel like this... but there you go.



Also, there's something I need to add: while I'm used to reading some butt-ugly comments on posts about sexually fluid celebs, I'm noticing more and more 'compliments' that really aren't compliments.

Seriously, some of this stuff is verging on fetishisation - things like 'my biggest turn on is a sexually fluid person because anything could happen,' 'I've got some fluid for him, if he wants it!' and 'he could be fluid with me any time!'







...I don't know whether other people realise it, but statements like that made in day-to-day conversation and/or about strangers? Kind of creepy. Kind of really creepy. So, y'know: STOP.







17th November



Tom Hiddleston? I'm a little attracted to him today... but only like a tiny bit.

Johnny Depp? Nope. Not today. Sorry Johnny.

Holliday Grainger? 😍 wow. WOW. Yep, attracted to her today.

Scarlett Johansson? 😳😍😍😍💖💖 *picks self up off the floor* NO ONE IS THAT HOT SHE HAS SIGNED A DEAL WITH SATAN! *ahem* I mean, yes, I'm finding her very attractive. ;)



OK, two things I want to talk about today:



First up conversion therapy (y'know, that horrendous thing that Mike Pence supports where they electrocute kids into being straight?) - if you use the fluidity of sexuality to excuse/argue for conversion therapy then I WILL FIND YOU.

While there are fluid people who disagree with the 'born this way' stance - I am not one of them. I firmly believe I was born to be changeable.

If that's too complex an idea for you, then that's not my problem butty.





The second thing is this: it's highly offensive to me to imply that if you dated a fluid person, you wouldn't be enough for them.

It implies we're greedy and/or promiscuous, which is the same cr*p bisexual people have been having to put up with for a long time.

If I feel strongly enough to call you out on the sh** you just said, then you have no business telling me to f**k off. #TrueStory.







18th November



Tom Hiddleston? Yeah, I'm finding him quite attractive rn

Johnny Depp? A little attracted to him today

Holliday Grainger? Phew! Yes. Yes I'm definitely finding her attractive atm.

Scarlett Johansson? *jaw drops open* She is extremely... wow. Yep, attracted to her!



Today is one of those days where I've seen so much sh** about being sexually fluid on the Internet, that I really don't have the strength to call it all out.

Needless to say, I'm not fluid because I'm a) a psychopath or b) in need of a butch woman because I can't find a 'manly' man (I mean... wtf?!)










And there's something that I really need to point out:

MEN can also be sexually fluid. It's not a girls only scenario, and I've seen so many statements saying that only women can be fluid that it's doing my head in.

On the plus side, I read this beautiful post from a black American lady who is sexually fluid - and I recommend you all do the same :)







19th November



Tom Hiddleston? Yes, veeeery nice!

Johnny Depp? Yep, attracted to him.

Holliday Grainger? *fans self* yes, attracted to her!

Scarlett Johansson? Oh yes!!! Def. attracted to her too! 😍




Yesterday, I had to unfollow people who unfollowed me, after I shared a link to a post by a sexually fluid black woman.

Yes, the same post I linked to in yesterday's section.

It really is interesting just how many people who act perfectly lovely unfollow me after I post certain things. #JustSaying  👀 💅

Still, I'm not going to let that stop me from attempting to explain the day-to-day-ness of being sexually fluid to you guys. I'm stubborn like that ;)





21st November


Yes, I missed a day - I forgot, ok? ;)

This is the last day of this weird little diary thingy, so let's do one last run-through:

Tom Hiddleston?  Yep! Very attractive.

Johnny Depp? Yeah, I'm finding him quite attractive

Holliday Grainger? *Fans self* YEP!

Scarlett Johansson? Very much so!




So this is just me, over a period of a few days. There are sexually fluid people who's sexuality changes more often than mine, and sexually fluid people who's sexuality changes less often.

Again, I don't notice when it changes, I could change half-way through the day, and not know unless I noticed someone I wouldn't have noticed earlier.

It's all about just allowing me to be me - liking who I like, when I like them. I can be swayed by the things around me - but I can't be forced into liking someone.

It's about loving people who are beautiful as people - not just in appearance.





I can no more change being sexually fluid than you can change being whatever orientation you are.

I don't understand why some people seem to feel so threatened by the idea that I am changeable - that my heart has the final say in the matter, that I don't fit into one section neatly and tidily.

But that's ok. They're clearly dealing with some cr*p of their own. I'll just be here... being me.









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Monday 21 November 2016

Introducing Disability Diaries - Sign-Up Now Open

Hello dearest nerdlets! Do you want to get caught up in a nefarious scheme to make the world a better place? Of course you do!

Yes, dear nerdlets, you want to be involved in a week-long disability representation and awareness event! You want to use the sign-up form on Tea and Titles to join us! Come on, you know you want to!





notebook with pen






Cee, what are you talking about?

Well, the lovely Ely @ Tea and Titles came up with the idea of Disability Diaries, and Ely, myself, Angel @ Angel Reads, Dina @ Dinasoaur, Jolien @ The Fictional Reader, and Lara @ Another Teen Reader are running it!!!!!

(Well, actually they come up with all the intelligent stuff, and I come up with awkward rebel questions - but that's clearly what I do best!)







So when is this event?

14-21 January 2017. I know that feels like a long time away - but really, it isn't!








What is it going to involve?

ALL OF THE THINGS!!!!!!!!!!

TBRs, reviews, personal posts, recommendations, and anything else anyone wants to throw in there really! ;)






Where can I sign up again?

Over @ Tea and Titles, using the Google form in this post.








Go on! Go sign up! :)









Sunday 20 November 2016

Nerd Church - Well, That Was Unpleasant

(This post discusses mental health problems, stigma, anxiety, and a brief mention of suicide)

Kind of ironic - on Friday I posted about ableism, not knowing that I would face it on the same day.











Let me give you a scenario, dearest nerdlets.




Imagine you have anxiety problems. Imagine you're having a flare-up, and something that seems everyday to everyone else is terrifying to you.

I don't mean just worrying. I mean terrifying - the kind of terrified you'd feel if you lost a kid at the supermarket or were having trouble opening your parachute after jumping out of a plane.

Imagine you freak out, but manage to gather yourself up. You manage to push through and do the thing that's terrifying you.






And then someone draws attention to your weird behaviour, loudly, in front of a group of strangers.

It would hurt, yes?





Fine, maybe they don't understand why you were acting like that, but surely they can see that you were freaked out - for whatever reason - and maybe, I don't know, not embarrass you in front of random-a*s members of the public?!

I mean, really, is that so difficult?














OK - explanation time:

I had to catch a train.

Trains make me nervous at the best of times - social interaction with strangers plus weird track vibrations plus the fact that I'm terrible at figuring out which one is my stop and what the time is, all add up to an at best slightly awkward experience.

(FYI - I could go on to list more reasons I dislike trains, but this post is about stigma not transportation.)

So, the gap from station to train was bigger than average - it's quite a leap there, and I have short legs.




And, as mentioned, my anxiety was flaring up. And someone had killed themselves a little further down the line less than a week earlier.

So I pulled back, and freaked a little. My breathing was getting pretty hectic, and my hands were starting to shake a little.






Honestly? I could very well have gone into full-on panic attack mode if The Bestie hadn't just smiled in understanding, held out a hand for me to grab, and pulled me onto the train (did I mention I have the best Bestie?)

So, I'm on the train, apologising to The Bestie for being a pain (and her telling me to stop apologising,) and trying to get my breathing back to normal, the ticket conductor guy comes over so that we can buy our tickets.





I'm sure he didn't mean to completely humiliate me by saying that he thought I was never getting on, and thought he'd have to 'bung you on myself' (this guy was huge, so that thought wasn't particularly reassuring.)

I'm sure he didn't mean to nearly bring me to tears by saying all of this loudly in front of a carriage full of people who may or may not have seen me freak out at the station, and chuckling as if it was all one big joke.

But he did.













I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I wanted to burst out crying. I literally felt so stupid in that moment.

Look, I don't blame him for not figuring out why I was acting oddly - I don't wear a sign with 'Has Mental Health Problems' around my neck - but surely common sense should have made him keep his mouth shut?





I could've been freaking out for literally any reason.

I might've had vision problems, and wasn't able to see how to get across the gap. I might've had mobility problems and been worried about how to get across. I might've had PTSD, and been having a flashback.

I might just have been having a real sh**ty day that just got too much.

There are a million things that might've made me act a little weird.





The moral of this story, dearest nerdlets? Put yourself in the other person's position. Would you like it if someone treated you like this?








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